This will probably come as a chock to most of you but not to the ones who know me. This is the reason why I've been so quiet lately. Winds of change are blowing here at Sangre Real. New friends to meet and old friends to part with. I needed to make this change for so many reasons. For me - for them - for the universe told me.
I am not sad - I look forward to my new future. I don't see this as failure - I see this as a lesson - a wonderful lesson! I am beyond grateful to have had this opportunity but he never belonged to me and never will. I will not answer any questions about this or arguments. I will tell this in advance. Here is all you need to know and what I want to share. The rest is my life - the life behind the pictures and that is not something I want to share.
To try - to do all in your power and beyond - and still "fail". Expectations, reality, the truth behind the perfection. The truth behind the pictures, The truth behind the illusion.
Espartaco has been in Sweden for 2 years now. We have tried, both of us, to make it fit. To make him like the life of a normal horse - of being ridden natural - softly - no pressure anymore - no life or death challenges... I've tried to get him to enjoy life - and he has tried to like it. But the spark is beginning to fade in him. I see the longing in his eyes - the memories of the arena where he was a star. Where people clapped their hands - cheered. He doesn't settle for the simple life - he becomes more and more unhappy and I have tried everything to make him enjoy life - but there is one thing I can't give him - the one thing that is the very essence of his being.
Espartaco is no mere horse. He is something so far beyond! All I want in my life is for my horse to be happy so I have made the heart breaking decision to let Espartaco go back to his previous owner in Spain. His previous owner misses him dearly and I know Espartaco misses him to. There is no room for me in Espartacos heart - I will never be "his". He already has his human in his life... Oscar never wanted to sell him - he cried letting him go but he was forced due to some personal reasons. But Oscar wants his horse back - I know how he feels... If someone could give me Rio back... well... Some horses just goes deeper into your heart than others.
It's all so very hard to explain but some things is just impossible to put into words. It's just something the heart knows - and the one closest to the emotions and settings.
I love Espartaco - always will and that is why I have to let him go. Give him back the life that makes him happy even though it breaks my heart. It's hard to understand how such a tough life can be something to miss - but I can't explain why but he does miss it. We can all argue and think we knows what is best for our horses. I know what life he will have back in Spain but I've tried given him what we think a horses should want but he doesn't want that - it's very hard to comprehend but I'm out of ideas to make him happy here. The lifestyle he wants is not something I want or can give him.
Life goes on - it always does and I will forever be grateful for what Espartaco taught me and what we shared. He gave me inspiration, showed me my path of what I want - what I wish and what I can do.
Espartaco - go now be happy - you were my dream and I will always love you.
Beside my wonderful Espartaco arriving in Spain safely Pålfrid has also found his new home and moved a few weeks ago to a wonderful girl named Annica. The second they met I just knew they belonged together. Pålfrid has been my friend for many years and he is one of the horses closest to my heart but this also was the right thing to do - for me to evolve, to work towards the dream I always had and the fire within that is me. To be honest I've been drowning in myself holding on to things that isn't me. I LOVE Pålfrid so I do not mean I have been holding on to him without wanting it it's just. All my life I have had Spanish horses - purebred stallions. That is me - my dream - my passion - my fire within. And nothing can change that. I needed time to heal from loosing Rio. From all the losses I've had. Of all the shattered dreams. And Pålfrid has been one of the biggest reasons of my healing and I will forever be grateful to him. He will still be in my life but now I will help him and his new owner on their path together and it feels so right and I am so happy for them!
To try to explain it all. Well suddenly it was like something showed me my new path in life. How "easy" it was. And when I made the decision an avalanche from the universe followed. And every piece of the puzzle suddenly had a perfect fit. Terror found a fantastic home, a week later Pålfrid and now Espartaco is back in Spain with the one who treasure him most of all.
And what about me then? What about my future?
Well - Things are in motion. Decisions are made. Like I said all the pieces of the puzzle fit.
I also want to say that I love you guys. For all your support, comments and love. That is why I wanted to share this with you. To tell you all the truth from my perspective so that no one can go behind my back and try to make up stories that aren't true. It's all said and done and both me and my horses are happy. And the future is a story for another day.
I am not sad - I look forward to my new future. I don't see this as failure - I see this as a lesson - a wonderful lesson! I am beyond grateful to have had this opportunity but he never belonged to me and never will. I will not answer any questions about this or arguments. I will tell this in advance. Here is all you need to know and what I want to share. The rest is my life - the life behind the pictures and that is not something I want to share.
To try - to do all in your power and beyond - and still "fail". Expectations, reality, the truth behind the perfection. The truth behind the pictures, The truth behind the illusion.
Espartaco has been in Sweden for 2 years now. We have tried, both of us, to make it fit. To make him like the life of a normal horse - of being ridden natural - softly - no pressure anymore - no life or death challenges... I've tried to get him to enjoy life - and he has tried to like it. But the spark is beginning to fade in him. I see the longing in his eyes - the memories of the arena where he was a star. Where people clapped their hands - cheered. He doesn't settle for the simple life - he becomes more and more unhappy and I have tried everything to make him enjoy life - but there is one thing I can't give him - the one thing that is the very essence of his being.
Espartaco is no mere horse. He is something so far beyond! All I want in my life is for my horse to be happy so I have made the heart breaking decision to let Espartaco go back to his previous owner in Spain. His previous owner misses him dearly and I know Espartaco misses him to. There is no room for me in Espartacos heart - I will never be "his". He already has his human in his life... Oscar never wanted to sell him - he cried letting him go but he was forced due to some personal reasons. But Oscar wants his horse back - I know how he feels... If someone could give me Rio back... well... Some horses just goes deeper into your heart than others.
It's all so very hard to explain but some things is just impossible to put into words. It's just something the heart knows - and the one closest to the emotions and settings.
I love Espartaco - always will and that is why I have to let him go. Give him back the life that makes him happy even though it breaks my heart. It's hard to understand how such a tough life can be something to miss - but I can't explain why but he does miss it. We can all argue and think we knows what is best for our horses. I know what life he will have back in Spain but I've tried given him what we think a horses should want but he doesn't want that - it's very hard to comprehend but I'm out of ideas to make him happy here. The lifestyle he wants is not something I want or can give him.
Life goes on - it always does and I will forever be grateful for what Espartaco taught me and what we shared. He gave me inspiration, showed me my path of what I want - what I wish and what I can do.
Espartaco - go now be happy - you were my dream and I will always love you.
Beside my wonderful Espartaco arriving in Spain safely Pålfrid has also found his new home and moved a few weeks ago to a wonderful girl named Annica. The second they met I just knew they belonged together. Pålfrid has been my friend for many years and he is one of the horses closest to my heart but this also was the right thing to do - for me to evolve, to work towards the dream I always had and the fire within that is me. To be honest I've been drowning in myself holding on to things that isn't me. I LOVE Pålfrid so I do not mean I have been holding on to him without wanting it it's just. All my life I have had Spanish horses - purebred stallions. That is me - my dream - my passion - my fire within. And nothing can change that. I needed time to heal from loosing Rio. From all the losses I've had. Of all the shattered dreams. And Pålfrid has been one of the biggest reasons of my healing and I will forever be grateful to him. He will still be in my life but now I will help him and his new owner on their path together and it feels so right and I am so happy for them!
To try to explain it all. Well suddenly it was like something showed me my new path in life. How "easy" it was. And when I made the decision an avalanche from the universe followed. And every piece of the puzzle suddenly had a perfect fit. Terror found a fantastic home, a week later Pålfrid and now Espartaco is back in Spain with the one who treasure him most of all.
And what about me then? What about my future?
Well - Things are in motion. Decisions are made. Like I said all the pieces of the puzzle fit.
I also want to say that I love you guys. For all your support, comments and love. That is why I wanted to share this with you. To tell you all the truth from my perspective so that no one can go behind my back and try to make up stories that aren't true. It's all said and done and both me and my horses are happy. And the future is a story for another day.